Reflections on New Life

My little sister had her baby Friday. If you are my friend on facebook you already know and are tired of me gushing and being excited. For those who don’t know. Now I am telling you! She gave birth at 1:25pm to a beautiful baby boy named Dimitri. He was 8lbs and 20.25″ long. He took a looong time to be born. Water broke between 9pm and 10pm the night before! AND on top of that her poor son’s cord was wrapped around his neck THREE TIMES! His little face was all sorts of bruised because of it… and that caused the long labor. But it only took about 20-30 min of pushing to get him out! My sister did amazing. I am certain that she will be a crazy-cool mommy.

One of his first "latchings," or attempts to breastfeed. His poor little face is so bruised in this pic! I swear his color is good everywhere else and he is not, in fact, dead. He screams very, very well!

It got me thinking… about the amazingness of those kinds of things. How babies form. Where they come from. How such a perfect and wonderful little thing can be the result of so much pain, annoyances, and a bit of fun activity.

Everyone is telling me it is my turn to get pregnant. Especially since I am married, have an apartment and a job, and am of childbearing age. I have told them to wait.

Coming from a large family, I am actually not too surprised. People tend to have children young and have many of them. I am the eldest of six and my mother is the youngest of five or six children (which makes it weird. My second cousin is my age and my oldest uncle is old enough to be a grandfather). There is also a genetic tendency for twins, so that makes numbers even larger. My little sister is only 20, which is young  but not unusual for having kids in my family.

I don’t want that, though. I mean, it will be cool if I am a “young mamma,” instead of an old geezer mom, but there are a lot of things I still wanna do before I have children. Like visit other countries, gain money in savings to fund a kid, and get all those little kinks out of my marriage first. Relationships are hard, I don’t think I need to add more complicated matters to my very young marriage. Not that this is necessarily a young relationship, as you have read before.

Babies, though adorable and endorphin-releasing, are a lot of work. They are a lot of money and a lot of mess and unfortunately do not stay small and cute all the time. I am not saying it is not worth it, believe me it will be when I do get pregnant and have babies, but I am saying that there is a lot to consider. Not only financially. Sanity is another thing to think about. If you had it in the least you will lose it as soon as you have kids. You will need conviction, strength, love, courage, and a great support system to go through with it and have a child. Those gifts don’t come with instructions, and the gift just keeps on giving (both good and bad).

I am also afraid I will make a terrible mommy. Currently I am relatively short-tempered when it comes to being ignored by small creatures or said critters disobey. Like my cats… it is ridiculously easy to get mad at them for getting on the counters (for the billionth time after being scolded and squirt-bottled) and stealing food. I also get exasperated with them easily for not understanding, not listening, or doing things they know are wrong. And boy do they know when they are in trouble! They hunker down and slink away. I guess slinking is the wrong word, it looks like slinking in posture but is more like running away scared-and-ashamed-ly.

When I do have children, I hope my temper may have been tempered by time and experience, and that I could more easily be understanding and patient. I lack patience. A lot. It is something I am working on, alongside being very convictedly passionate (it comes across as aggression or conceitedness by those who don’t know me all too well….).

I also want deliver my kids kind of like how my sister did it. She had a bunch of friends and family around. She was surrounded by love, gentle touches, and careful tenderness. It was also cool that one of her attending nurses was my husband’s aunt. And Auntie was AMAZING, telling my sister to relax and that my sister was doing a great job and it will all be worth it when her son comes into the world.  I might avoid the hospital, though. Home births sound so much less… annoying. There will be care, of course, but I want to avoid the beeping and angry machines, the white overtly sterile rooms, the constant in and out of nurses that I may or may not know… I would rather it be family attending and a nurse-midwife that can help me deliver and knows what she/he is doing. I wouldn’t be adverse to a male midwife, really. Male or female I just want to know them and to have time to learn they care and want the best. I want my husband to catch my children. That would be amazing! And I am sure it would mean the world to my hubby to catch his children.

Well, whatever time I have my children, lots of thought will be put into it. Perhaps this is a good time for reflection on not only children and childbirth, but goals for the rest of my life. So far: be in a happy marriage, have children, work in the Environmental field (there are many but I haven’t picked just one yet), and be a part of a warm community and a happy family. This needs to be more fleshed out, really… but in time.

For now, my friends and family have to wait.

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About N B

Artist, critic, friend, and rambly-ponderer.
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