Holidays are tough this year…

Christmas approaches, and with it an anniversary of another sort. You see, my grandfather doesn’t celebrate Christmas anymore. My father does, but I think it is still hard on him. And he hates snow. The whole holiday season is hard on the family. The reason being: we have lost many family members during this season.

The hardest for me has to be Christmas. Years ago, I was home from college for the break and sleeping in the family room. It was turning out to be a great break.

Christmas morning. The phone rings and I grope for it in the dark. Look at the screen: Mamma. I answer with a Good Morning. Her voice us sad, sounded full of tears as she asks where Daddy is. I don’t know, I am in bed. Go look for him. Okay… What’s wrong? Grandma died last night. Crap. I take the phone to him and watch as he hears the news.

These were the hardest parts: 1) my daddy’s face as he heard the news his Mamma was gone, and 2) my baby sister wailing that Grandma would never get the special Elvis cookie she had decorated especially for the beloved matriarch. We left that evening to go to Grandpa’s house.

I don’t know if I could have stood strong had my now-husband hadn’t come with me. I was too distraught to realize I was likely ruining his Christmas when I asked, no, begged him to come with me. I am glad he did.

Card games like Pass the Ace (one of her favourites) make me tear up on occasion. Quarters make me smile because I remember the fun of that card game. I think of her every time I pass a Head Start, as she worked for them. So many fond memories!

Snow makes me sad, though. I hadn’t liked snow before she passed on Christmas Eve. Before the snow limited the ability of the emergency workers to get to my Grandmother. However, I don’t blame the snow. I don’t hate it like others in the family.

One day I will write a proper memorial piece for my grandmother. I just don’t have the words yet.

I didn’t mean to be a downer with this story. I felt that it needed to be told… with all the deaths during the holidays on both sides of the family, and just finding out about the other two this week, and those family members with lives near the end. I am babbling.

Hopefully the next post will be a more pleasant one. No more babbling.

~N

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About N B

Artist, critic, friend, and rambly-ponderer.
This entry was posted in Family, Life in General and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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